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About Deviant blackrose0607Female/United States Recent Activity
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Literature
Love Sick
Cures to take away the pain
Happy pills--to fake smiles
Bottle of alcohol--to mask the tears
Drugs--to force laughter
From my parched loveless lips
And this is my life
Trying to get by
Fighting the neverending heartache
Why don't I just give up?
I've thought about it
But that would make them all win
Everyone who fights against me
I'm a fighter
In a losing battle
All the "cures" are just temporary
Wasting my life away
Destroying my mind and body
Trying to win at a losing game
But it all seems the same
I'll never be good enough no matter how hard I try
My heart will always be broken
Friends will always betray
And abandon
Nothing fills the void
Fill it with everything in the world
Nothing can fill it
noting but love
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:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 1
Literature
Some People
There are some people you'll always love
Some people you just can't forget
No matter how hard you try
To break the bond of steely ice
That cut and freeze
Giving you no release
There's just some people you can't hate
No matter how hard you try
People who will be with you forever
People who make you heart beat fast
When you see them
And twinge with the pain of longing
When you think of them
But they are the people who will never feel the same about you
Who will make you pine yourself away
Growing more forlorn every day
Some will even see your plight
And take advantage of it in spite
Keep you at arms length
But tease you with false caring
And perhaps even physical bliss
Others you will never see again
Only in your dreams
Taunting you
Wit what you'll never have
And did you ever notice
How fate can be so cruel?
How just when you think you're over them
That they're out of your life for good
There they are
To ruin your life again
Bringing all the pain back
Opening old scars
That never heal
Wh
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:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 0
Literature
My Dearest Friend--Mary Jane
I'm a fallen angel
I thrive in debauchery
I feed off all that is uncouth
In the graveyard
With my dearest friend
Mary Jane
That's where you'll find me
Passing the time
Leaving memories behind
Ghosts of the past
That shit won't last
And companionship's a must
Because all my dreams have turned to dust
And I'm consumed by lust
Why must you question
My obsession
With smoke that chokes the tears
Fights the demons
With green leafed spears
Mary Jane will always be there to catch me when I fall
Yeah she's a true friend
She's helped me through it all
She was there when my boyfriend left me
When depression settled in
And I couldn't eat
I couldn't sleep
My grades dropped from the stress
And my thoughts were a mess
She made me smile
She even made me laugh
She made me eat
She made me sleep in her bed
And she took the floor
And as a result
I could concentrate on work
She tutored me
And my grades went up
And to you
This has made me a fallen angle
My only happiness
Is to you some grave sin
Don't look
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 9
Literature
Alcoholism
Looking into the mirror
Pleading eyes
Begging the girl to step out and say it didn’t happen
Running hands over bruises I don’t remember getting
Searching my own eyes for hints of memories
Tracing scars
What did I do last night?
Haze
Drunken haze
I can’t remember a thing
Why would anyone do this to themselves?
Why?
You say you won’t do it again
But you’re lying to yourself
And others
They may know better than you
Fool yourself
Say you’ve learned your lesson
But they sadly shake their head
They know better
You’re an addict
A criminal
You’ll return to the scene of the crime
But can’t you see the victim is you?
You hurt yourself and others
Regret the things you do
The things you say
Make a fool of yourself
And for what?
Why?
You say it’s your medicine for the pain
But can’t you see it just causes more?
You’re always chasing after rainbows
But you can never reach them
And you just get lost in the fog
Haze
Drunken haze
The alcoholic
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 7
Literature
Hold On
Just when I think I meet my prince
He turns my heart to mince
I sit here consumed in my own thoughts
Where did I go wrong?
Am I the one to blame?
I look at you with mournful eyes
Pleading looks
Barely parting lips
As if to say
The things that beg to be said
But all I’m met with is indifference
Or worse
Scorn
Everything felt so sunny yesterday
What happened between now and then?
Where did it go wrong?
What was the cause?
Who’s to blame?
All these questions
Theses uncertainties
Are driving me insane
What can I say?
What can I do?
To reverse this horrible wrong
I’m so honest
So loving
So caring
So willing to give
And this is what I get
I don’t know how it happens
But it always does
And I’m left broken
Can’t eat
Can’t sleep
Can’t think
Why do I let you get to me this way?
Didn’t I just meet you?
You’re a speck in my life
But you have the power
To throw my world into chaos
And make it all I’ve ever known
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Regret
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 3
Literature
Ominous
The clouds are rolling in
Though I can still see the sun on the horizon
Life is like a dream
That’s turned into a nightmare
Seeing things through a haze
Trying to forget
Memories of times gone by
Trying to relive the good
And forget the bad
But I’m destroying myself
Trying in vain to be happy
Short moments of ecstasy
Are they worth the price?
Or is it all just vice
Is it sad
That this is how I cope?
Can you blame me?
Imprison me
When my mind is already one
But I’m not alone
It’s why we commune
In smoke filled rooms
We see things for how they are
Primal fears
Primal urges
Primal desires
Free flowing thoughts
But is it worth it?
When the black clouds come rolling in
And they’re here to stay
These storm clouds over my heart
My soul
My life
Are here to stay
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 9
Literature
Bondage
You twist the knife in m y heart
It’s been this way from the very start
I give and give and all you do is take
You say we can be friends
But now I see that’s just a means to an end
It feels so good to be in your arms
Your soft kisses feel like ecstasy
You make me feel like no one else can
I truly thought that you were the one
To lose that I cannot bear
So I snatch at bread crumbs in the air
I hungrily eat them
Devour them in seconds
And I’m left hungry
Unsatisfied
Empty
Yearning for more
Because it’s all a lie
And I try to savor the taste of your kiss
But it’s venom on my lips
Seeping into my veins
Poisoning my very soul
I long for you to cradle me
To kiss my forehead with those tender lips
To hug me
To be there for me
And grow old with me
But you couldn’t have that
So you dumped me
But I came back
Like a twisted puppy
I like the abuse
Kick me and I’ll whimper
But I’ll come running back
Wagging my tail
When you call
And you give me a pat on the h
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 1
Literature
When I'm Feeling a High
When I’m feeling a high
Don’t let me come down
Wipe the tears from my eyes
Cradle me in your arms
Enhancing the warmth inside
I’m in a dream
It’s all so serene
Thoughts racing a million miles a minute
Around and around in my head
Heart racing
Muscles twitching
And it’s my escape
From the world that I hate
The world that hurts me
This is my antidote
To all the pain and woe
I can’t feel the pain
I can’t feel my body
My thoughts unbridled
Flow free from my lips
And the sway of my hips
Is so free
Without inhibition
I dare to run
Through open fields
Under moonlit skies
Night air filling my lungs
Far away from my problems
Where bad dreams die
That’s where I’ll lie
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 3
Literature
Living Dead
I think I’m going to throw up
All the memories
Of cold eyes
And calculated lies
Of drug hazed decisions
Without allibies
I’m going to throw up the past
Rid myself of this pain
Of this lump in my stomach
Of this aching in my heart
I feel sick
My eyes are blank
My body limp
Lifeless
Used
Dead
And broken
I didn’t know you could break my heart more than once
But you have
Your words sear like acid
Burning me to the core
I feel sick
You held up a mirror
And I shrank back in despair
To show me what I’ve become
All I’ve done
It’s more than I can bear
So I’m ridding myself of all these memories
Bleeding them out
As I shatter the mirror
Shedding them in tears
Of pain
Of agony
Of despair
Fighting back the nightmares
It feels like it did before
But worse
And aching in my gut
But with no hope this time
Just a bottomless pit
I’ve betrayed us both
I’ve broken my oath
And this is what it’s done to me
I’m hollow inside
The living dead
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 2
Literature
Longing
I'd rather have you now
Then not at all
Because I know you'll be there
To catch me when I fall
Even if you were the one
Who pushed me off in the first place
You're my pillar of strength
Without you
I fall
Just to be your friend
Fills me with hope
When you leave my life for good
There will be a gaping hole
I don't know what I'd do without you
You taught me so many things
To find myself
To know myself
To accept myself
You saw me learn these things
And I did it all for you
To show you I can change
but your view of me remains the same
And I'm so easy to discard
You confuse me
You frustrate me
As I look up at you with teary eyes
You look down on me and cup my face
As if to kiss me
How I long for that tender touch
But it's just a taunt
And you explain you're leaving me
I want you to know
I'll never forget you
And all I thought we had
And when you leave me
My heart will go with you
It can't be helped
Because
I love you
Now and forever
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 6
Literature
Baby Bird
Poor baby bird
Mother bird must be sad
Searching frantically
Flitting about
Chirping like mad
Calling her child back to its nest
But no answer
Why you ask?
Because baby bird is dead
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 0
Literature
Mother Nature
As I sit in mother nature's cradling boughs
They may seem hard at first
But they are softer than any human touch
Providing warmth and comfort
She kisses me with sunshine
And whispers to me with wind
There, in her arms
All my sorrows vanish
Here, I find peace and comfort
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 2 0
Literature
Alone
I'm the only person
Alone in the night
Such utter solitude
Frought with despair
The cold seeps through my bones
Making my weary body ache
It all seems so cold
Alone in the world
I'm left yearning
For friends
For love
For companionship
For someone to hold
For someone to hold me
To tell me everything's alright
To kiss me goodnight
To be there when I need them
To catch me when I fall
But here I am
Alone
The night consumes me
The wind laughs at me
And here I am
All alone
Shaking
With rage
With cold
With biting insecurities
That gnaw at my flesh
Putting me to the test
I want to find a place
So far away
Away from the pain
Of the bad memories
And broken hearts
Of lonely nights
Of green eyed jealousy
And ruthless fights
I want to find that someone
That can kiss my pain away
That will appreciate my love
That I so willingly give away
Instead of leading me on
And spitting it back in my face
It's what I wanted all along
That I thought I found
But what I found was disgrace
Alone in this place
For s
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 3
Literature
One Night
The fire that burns in me
Burns in him
A random encounter
Eyes met
Words exchanged
Smouldering eyes
And a smile fans the flame
An invitation
An accepted proposal
Burning kisses down my neck
Tender nips at tender flesh
Bodies colliding
An explosion of lust
Of fire
Of passion
Of the two of us
Trails of fire
Starting at my lips
Burning down my body
Savoring his sacred kiss
But it's not all bliss
Because I know it will end
Our time is spent
And I'm leaving him
And he's leaving me
And my body's still in a state of ecstasy
But then I come down
When I hit the ground
I realize I will never share this moment again
With him
That handsome man that came into my life
To play an act
In this twisted play
As passion gives way
And reality sets in
But we go our seperate ways
Exchanging awkward smiles and hugs
And I'm left empty inside
Missing him
Wondering what he's doing
Where he's been
But he's forgotten about me
Because isn't that the point of a one night stand?
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 1 0
Literature
How It Ends
Wake me up
It's like a dream
Wake me up before I scream
It's like a nightmare
A pain I cannot bear
I never see it coming
Ignorance is not bliss
It's a bunch of shit
You left me lying here
Drowning in my sorrow
Trapped in my own fears
Where did I go wrong?
Why am I the one
That's always left wanting more?
Is it some flaw?
You tell me it's not me
But then why aren't we together?
When it all seemed so right
How could it end up so terribly wrong?
And I can't even listen to the same songs
So many things remind me of you
Of all the pain you put me through
And life just won't be the same
They play with my heart like it's some sick game
And I keep coming back
Addicted to the pain
Though I know I'm going to lose
I keep hoping to win
And all I do is cry
And wonder why
Torn apart
It's so sad
Why does everything have to end up so bad?
Why do I always go for the ones who will break my heart?
Should've known this from the start
But here I am again
The bruised
The used
And I feel so empty
So hollow i
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 6
Literature
Addict of Love
Shoot me up with love
Fire in my veins
Heart beating fast
What a rush
Adrenaline straight to my head
Pumping in my veins
Giving me a headrush
What a thrill
I'm falling down
I'm falling fast
I'm falling hard
Who will be there to catch me, when I fall?
Who will be there when I hit rock bottom?
When the fun has left,
And the addiction's taken its toll?
Every time I'm a glutton for punishment
I don't learn my lesson
I keep going back for more
While I'm feelin a high
I'm not thinking of consequences
Living in the moment
It's fun while it lasts
Who cares if it all comes crashing down?
Grinding to a halt
Breaking hearts and bones
Cuz now it rocks my world
Fucks with my body
But I'm gonna take it while it lasts
It's a feeling I can't pass up
Enjoy every minute of it
Craving that feeling
Knowing it won't last
That I'll be crying
Broken hearted again
But I'm just an addict
An addict of love
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607
:iconblackrose0607:blackrose0607 0 0

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and attentiveness through these fucking pills?
Even if I were to take my life while off the meds,
at least it was natural and not some
pill-induced decision. Oh, doesn’t anyone agree?
Someone’s got to know what it’s like, to have
To rely on pills to fuel themselves towards
happiness...
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Activity


deviantID

blackrose0607
United States
Current Residence: hell (you know you do a few things...and BAM you're a fallen angel! what can i say?)
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: I listen to everything besides country, rap, and reggae, but my fav is rock
Favourite style of art: anime but i'm open minded to all styles
MP3 player of choice: CD players and cassette players are better...but i finally got an ipod if u must know
Wallpaper of choice: Dresden Dolls
Favourite cartoon character: Sesshomaru, Vicious, Mustang, Sephiroth, Vincent, Reno, Kamui, Daria, Jane, Trent
Personal Quote: If you can crack my shell of darkness, you'll release the blinding light and truly see my might
Interests
So a shitload has been going on in my life lately and I feel like I'm drowning in a tidal wave of bullshit.

I'm wondering whether to move out or not. People have been telling me for ages that my parents are overbearing assholes that have been ruining my life and well quite frankly up until recently the mere thought of even doing anything to combat them hasn't even grazed my mind. However, seeing a way out, I wonder if I have the balls to take it. I'd pretty much be totally disowned by my family and they've been all I've ever known, considering they've never allowed me to have a life outside their existence. But now I look back on my almost twenty years of life and wonder what the hell I've been doing with it. Sure I have a few good memories...mostly of my young childhood when life was simple or so it seems looking back. But y'know everybody seems to glamorize EVERYTHING they're not experiencing. Sure I can say "wow I long for the good old days" but even they weren't all that great....constantly fighting with my older brothers, wishing they would just move out and leave me the hell alone, always hearing my parents fighting and wondering if they would just leave or get divorced, always wishing I was older so I'd have the freedom of my brothers...but that never happened with age. And my parents try to scare the shit out of me about the future. "You'll never survive on your own. We're offering to pay for your college and give you a car and laser surgery for your eyes upon graduation and if you pass that up and move out now you'll be a poor lonely depressed bum on the streets and your whole life will amount to nothing and that trashy boyfriend of yours will leave you and even if he does stay with you, he'll never be able to provide for you because he's an old bum with no degree that barely scrapes by in life living paycheck to paycheck." But contrary to their beliefs, a lot of serious research has shown me that most jobs..even "crappy" jobs like waitressing or Blockbuster provide ALL insurances and 401K plans WITHOUT some stupid college degree. And with loans I could pay for all these things. Sure I'd spend the rest of my life paying them off, but that seems to be the majority nowadays. And maybe I wanna live life while I'm young and can before I become completely jaded and weathered by life...if I haven't already reached that point. Worry about the bills when I'm older instead of working my ass off and saving up to live it up when I'm old...if I have a nice 401K I can do that anyway! I'm scared shitless of life. I don't know anything about it or about myself, but the only way to conquer these fears and learn and move on instead of torturing myself, is to move out and risk everything. That's the way I see it now. And even if it doesn't work out with this guy, which hell with my luck it won't, I can always fend for myself and find someone else. That's one thing I learned...you always just keep living....keep moving on and getting by and learning and growing. I planned on just packing my bags and leaving but that seemed like a real dick move...especially in light of recent events such as my one grandpa being diagnosed with cancer, which I pray to God has dissappeared since his recent surgery and my other grandpa up and dying out of nowhere. My parents don't want me "causing them anymore grief". And me doing that certainly would. But I always care about other people more than myself, and it's about time I start living for numero uno or I'll never get anywhere and never be happy and never find myself. I'm just sick of everything and everyone. I need to kill the old self and start anew, from scratch, as if I was just born tomorrow instead of twenty years ago.

If you'd like to give any comments or advice...and not preachy bullshit either...then fine. Be my guest. But just keep in mind. It's my life, not yours, and I'll do what I want with it for once. Wish me luck on my perilous journey into the unknown...my new life....
  • Listening to: Runaway by Linkin Park
  • Reading: 1984
  • Watching: Air Bud

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconviciousluvr:
viciousluvr Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2008
Still can't believe you're gone Liz. I miss you so much. I still can't believe it. I keep checking to see if you've logged on even though I know you couldn't have. I put up a poem that I wrote about you. Hope you like it.
Reply
:iconviciousluvr:
viciousluvr Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2008
R.I.P. my friend.
Reply
:iconviciousluvr:
viciousluvr Featured By Owner May 26, 2008
Yo. Get online bitch.
Reply
:iconcolliemom:
Colliemom Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icontyftfplz:
Reply
:iconblackrose0607:
blackrose0607 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2008
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconpixel-def:
pixel-def Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2008   Photographer
thanks for the favs! :)
Reply
:iconblackrose0607:
blackrose0607 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2008
You're welcome!
Reply
:icongatta-demonia:
gatta-demonia Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2008
Thanks a bunch for the fave! :hug:
Reply
:iconblackrose0607:
blackrose0607 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2008
You're welcome! :hug:
Reply
:icongatta-demonia:
gatta-demonia Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2008
:iconexcitedplz:
Reply
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